Vampire Effect

Film: Vampire Effect, aka The Twins Effect (2003)
World Region: Hong Kong
Rating: 2/10 why: because it's a showpiece for the cantopop duo The Twins and nothing more

I was really watching this because I was thinking that Nic Tse was in it as the main character (or at least had a cameo), but in fact Ekin Cheng had that part. I was really excited at first to see vampires and vampire hunters doing some movie kung fu, but then the crappy special effects turned cool into hilarious. I also was really hoping that the vampire prince would pull some weight, but he certainly failed to deliver. This movie was really a focus on the two main girls who are cantopop stars. I like to see women kick butt in a movie, but I'd much rather see the Vampire Prince kicking ass and taking names. Ekin Cheng as the vampire prince was just a cute face and his most memorable line was, "I guess I suck at being a vampire." Yeah, you do. And you don't do enough sucking as it is, man--blood is in your face and you're like "doo-di-doo, I am weak." I always love the progressive vampire, but old habits usually die hard. And weak vampires die first.

Jackie Chan was is this movie, surprisingly enough. Other than a few of his stunts, the kung fu was horrible and uniteresting. The whole thing is so hack that it's funny. I am a vampire lore afficianado, and this is actually the part of the story that I found seriously lacking. It feels to me that somebody thought "vampires have big teeth, run around in the dark, and are fast and strong." Um, yeah. But they forgot the part about hierarchy and power in Vampire lore. They forgot the part about allure that a vampire prince should have over his people if he so chooses. And most importantly, they forgot the part that a vampire prince does not survive long unless he has true power or exceptional savvy. They forgot that when a vampire prince is hungry and slipping in and out and then he sees blood, he will drink it. But no, he just lays around on the floor multiple times when there is plenty of blood within arm's reach. God, this movie could have been awesome if they had really used what is available to them in Vampire lore. But I can see what happened--this movie is actually just a showpiece for the two girls who are the Cantopop duo called the Twins. So they got what they came for and I came out with nothing but delusions of grandure.

I would really love to see this movie redone with darker overtones, a heartwarming bonechiller by Tsui Hark (without the absurdity, but with his camera angles and reflective style) starring a bad ass Nic Tse who has this amazing ability to be hard-hitting and cute at the same time. Now that would be heaven. Whoo!